I hate my life. I really do. I hate all the bullshit I go through everyday. I hate that everyday is made up completely of bullshit. I get out of bed thinking 'what is the point.' I go to bed with that thought still weighing on my mind. There is no point to what I do with my day. I have an awful, bullshit job that doesn't pay a living wage. I can't even see two feet in front me because I'm just trying to get through the moment I'm in. I can't take it anymore. I want something better. I want something more.

I write this here and not somewhere private because something more to me has always been words--stories, poems, songs. I've barely written a thing in the last few years. But that's not simply about writing to me. It's about breathing and being alive. Does anybody get that? Does anybody understand? I miss writing like I would miss breathing. I die without it. I feel dead inside, like a hollowed crust of an unknown something rather that will never have a name.

I feel unnamed, too.

I am trying to write on one of my stories. It is not going particularly well at the moment.

Title: Reunion (2.0)
Author: Choosing Sarah
Rated: M for mature content
Word Count: 40,000
Spoilers: Through Lay Down Your Burdens Part 2 (2x20) plus Unfinished Business (3x09)
Timeframe: Occurs six months after the Season 2 finale where it AUs.
Summary: Six months after they fled New Caprica, the Fleet returns to collect survivors. While the battle goes well for the Colonials, there is more than one front in this war. As Lee and Kara make amends, they find themselves at the center of the latest conflict with a chance to redirect the future if they can only reconcile the past.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Battlestar Galactica characters or stories (etc). No infringement is intended and no profit is made, but might I be so bold as to point out that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery?

( Read more... )

NOTE: Only Chapter 16 is up right now. I have issues with it, but I decided to go ahead and post it, because I feel like I've done the best I can with it at the moment. Maybe I can do better later, we'll see.

Often, I think, we shy away from talking about sexual assault. And then when we do talk about it--often after the fact--we speak of it with shame, focus on things that should have been done to prevent being sexually assaulted. I refuse this ideology. I refuse it for myself and for the people I care about.

Blaming the rape victim seems a standard MO--she shouldn't have been dressed like that, she shouldn't have gone drinking alone, she shouldn't have let him give her a ride home. FUCK THAT! Preventing sexual assault is not the domain of the potential victim. Preventing sexual assault is everyone's responsibility--we need to let people know it is never okay to rape someone.

I found the following online. I am not sure who to credit it to. Its stark language was very affecting to me, and I think these words have great potential to both prevent assaults in the future and to combat shame for those who have been the victims of sexual assault.



A lot has been said about how to prevent rape.
Women should learn self-defense.
Women should lock themselves in their houses after dark.
Women shouldn't have long hair and women shouldn't wear short skirts.
Women shouldn't leave drinks unattended. Fuck, they shouldn't dare to get drunk at all.

how about:

If a woman is drunk, don't rape her.
If a woman is walking alone at night, don't rape her.
If a women is drugged and unconscious, don't rape her.
If a woman is wearing a short skirt, don't rape her.
If a woman is jogging in a park at 5 a.m., don't rape her.
If a woman looks like your ex-girlfriend you're still hung up on, don't rape her.
If a woman is asleep in her bed, don't rape her.
If a woman is asleep in your bed, don't rape her.
If a woman is doing her laundry, don't rape her.
If a woman is in a coma, don't rape her.
If a woman changes her mind in the middle of or about a particular activity, don't rape her.
If a woman has repeatedly refused a certain activity, don't rape her.
If a woman is not yet a woman, but a child, don't rape her.
If your girlfriend or wife is not in the mood, don't rape her.
If your step-daughter is watching TV, don't rape her.
If you break into a house and find a woman there, don't rape her.
If your friend thinks it's okay to rape someone, tell him it's not, and that he's not your friend.
If your "friend" tells you he raped someone, report him to the police.
If your frat-brother or another guy at the party tells you there's an unconscious woman upstairs and it's your turn, don't rape her, call the police and report him as a rapist.
Tell your sons, god-sons, nephews, grandsons, and sons of friends that it's not okay to rape someone.

Don't just tell your women friends how to be safe and avoid rape.
Don't imply that she could have avoided it if she'd only done/not done x,y or z.
Don't imply that it's in any way her fault.
Don't let silence imply agreement when someone tells you he "got some" with the drunk girl.
Don't perpetuate a culture that tells you that you have no control over or responsibility for your actions. You can, too, help yourself.

If you agree, repost it. It's that important

Rodney and Keller do not belong together--no matter how hard TPTB are pushing toward the idea as if it were an inevitability. The most basic problem between the two of them is that the two simply do not fit together, and no amount of slicing and splicing their characters is going to change that. Here are a couple of reasons why I think this pairing sucks:

Why Keller Likes Rodney
I think Rodney makes Keller feel better about herself. She confessed once that she accelerated through school. Socialization must have been a huge issue for her. I think she had a hard time fitting in. Still, even she gets people much more than Rodney does. Additionally, she can actually help Rodney through the worst of his social gaffes. She can make him more palatable to others, and by doing so, make herself look better and feel better about herself.

Why Rodney Likes Keller
She makes him feel normal. She makes him feel like the things that he's rejected in the past--specifically a relationship, companionship, marriage, children (basically the things he'd not wanted until he saw how much Jeannie enjoyed them and how important they were to her)--Keller makes Rodney feel that these things are possible for him.

Additionally, I don't believe Rodney really knows himself or what he wants in a partner. I don't think he ever chooses who he gets into a relationship with. I think he goes about his life, and then he looks up one day and sees somebody interested in him. I don't believe he truly asks himself if he actually likes the person. I think he finds himself in relationships with people because they seem to like him, and I think that's evidenced by the fact that Rodney is really thrown when someone shows an interest in him.

Rodney has difficulty evaluating whether or not he wants to be with someone, and so when someone he's attracted to shows an interest, he flusters and then says yes--not because it's what he wants, but because he thinks he may as well want it and what's in front of him now is better than any hypothetical.

However...
A) Keller's trying to fix Rodney.
B) They're boring together!

On Fixing Rodney
Rodney is the one making all the effort here in this 'relationship'. I think he wants to have that normal relationship like other people do. However, just like he did with Katie, he is manipulating himself, trying to change himself to do it, and moreover, he thinks that he should change himself because he thinks there's something inherently wrong about himself on a very basic level. Keller feeds into this by correcting him.

The Yawn of Their Togetherness
They don't have any chemistry. When they're in a room together it's kind of like <yawn> so what? Seriously, they're kind of cute in a social misfit kind of way, but the only reason they might ever work is because of the effort Rodney would make to make it happen. They don't connect. You don't notice every time they step into a room with each other because they don't notice either. I don't really think they care about each other like that. I think that each just symbolizes to the other something they wanted for themselves and an avenue by which they might achieve such.

Last But Not Least
Rodney and Keller could never work because Rodney's already in love with John. (Duh!)

Fandom: Stargate: Atlantis
Title: The Legend of Kirk
Author: suicidallemoneater
Rated: M for mature sexual content and coarse language
Word Count: 5,191
Category: McShep, first time
Timeline: Season 4, after Miller’s Crossing (4x09) and before Quarantine (4x13).
Disclaimer: Not mine. No infringement is intended and no profit is made, but might I be so bold as to point out that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery?
Summary: Colonel Sheppard really isn’t Captain Kirk, and Rodney knows it, so why perpetuate the myth?
Author’s Note: With thanks to Leah, Lynn, and Heidi for some great beta jobs! I really appreciate your time and the different viewpoints you each brought to the table. Thanks guys for helping me present a better story!

( Read The Legend of Kirk )

Fic Type: Poem

Title: My Favorite Frak
Author: Choosing Sarah
Rating: M
Pairing: Kara/Lee
Word Count: 295
Timeline: Just before the Eye of Jupiter (3x10)
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Battlestar Galactica characters or stories (etc). No infringement is intended and no profit is made, but might I be so bold as to point out that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery?
Author's Note: I wrote this poem some time ago as a way to help me write the dynamic between Lee and Kara in my long ass Battlestar Galactica (2003) fic "Reunion." It was something I'd never planned on posting, and, in fact, I'd forgotten all about it. I'd ended up saving it deep in the collective extras of a few chapters. I just found it again, and I think it's pretty cool.

Also, the poem barely has any end punctuation for a reason: because this thing between Lee and Kara starts and starts over and over again, but it never, ever ends.

Well, obviously, the giant squid would win. Anything with that many arms could easily tickle his opponent into submission. (Duh...)

Title: Reunion (2.0)
Author: Choosing Sarah
Rated: M for mature content
Word Count: 40,000
Spoilers: Through Lay Down Your Burdens Part 2 (2x20) plus Unfinished Business (3x09)
Timeframe: Occurs six months after the Season 2 finale where it AUs.
Summary: Six months after they fled New Caprica, the Fleet returns to collect survivors. While the battle goes well for the Colonials, there is more than one front in this war. As Lee and Kara make amends, they find themselves at the center of the latest conflict with a chance to redirect the future if they can only reconcile the past.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Battlestar Galactica characters or stories (etc). No infringement is intended and no profit is made, but might I be so bold as to point out that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery?


( Read more... )

Why is it that whenever I feel like I'm getting the ground to solidify underneath my feet, it always ends up falling apart? Bloody fucking hell, give me a break already! I am so damn tired. Is there no place safe or sacred? I just need something solid to rest my back against for a little while. Give me peace and perspective for a day, and I can fuel my year, I fucking swear it.

...

I hate you, my friend. I hate the fact that I keep your promises. I hate that you make me feel less than I felt yesterday, less than I believed I was. I hate you, and it hurts so badly because I still love you more. I wish I didn't. Maybe then I'd be stronger.

More than any of this, in this moment, so much more than I hate or love you, I hate myself because I still wait for your call, and I know I will come when you beckon. I hate the way you make me feel like a loser. I hate that the things that are precious to me don't seem to bloody matter to you. I hate that I don't know what to say to you, am too afraid to speak my mind, to give you cause to leave me permanently. I fucking hate myself for that. I hate how connected I felt to you, how alive you always seem to make me feel. I hate that I would let myself be devalued for vanity's sake (though whether yours or mine, I don't yet know).

Such cannot possibly be called friendship, and yet I know so little of this that I would still name it so. I fucking hate you for the way you make me hate me.

Title: Reunion (2.0)
Author: Choosing Sarah
Rated: M for mature content
Word Count: 40,000
Spoilers: Through Lay Down Your Burdens Part 2 (2x20) plus Unfinished Business (3x09)
Timeframe: Occurs six months after the Season 2 finale where it AUs.
Summary: Six months after they fled New Caprica, the Fleet returns to collect survivors. While the battle goes well for the Colonials, there is more than one front in this war. As Lee and Kara make amends, they find themselves at the center of the latest conflict with a chance to redirect the future if they can only reconcile the past.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Battlestar Galactica characters or stories (etc). No infringement is intended and no profit is made, but might I be so bold as to point out that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery?

( Read more... )</div>

Title: Reunion (2.0)
Author: Choosing Sarah
Rated: M for mature content
Word Count: 40,000
Spoilers: Through Lay Down Your Burdens Part 2 (2x20) plus Unfinished Business (3x09)
Timeframe: Occurs six months after the Season 2 finale where it AUs.
Summary: Six months after they fled New Caprica, the Fleet returns to collect survivors. While the battle goes well for the Colonials, there is more than one front in this war. As Lee and Kara make amends, they find themselves at the center of the latest conflict with a chance to redirect the future if they can only reconcile the past.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Battlestar Galactica characters or stories (etc). No infringement is intended and no profit is made, but might I be so bold as to point out that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery?


( Read more... )

Title: Reunion (2.0)
Author: Choosing Sarah
Rated: M for mature content
Word Count: 40,000
Spoilers: Through Lay Down Your Burdens Part 2 (2x20) plus Unfinished Business (3x09)
Timeframe: Occurs six months after the Season 2 finale where it AUs.
Summary: Six months after they fled New Caprica, the Fleet returns to collect survivors. While the battle goes well for the Colonials, there is more than one front in this war. As Lee and Kara make amends, they find themselves at the center of the latest conflict with a chance to redirect the future if they can only reconcile the past.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Battlestar Galactica characters or stories (etc). No infringement is intended and no profit is made, but might I be so bold as to point out that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery?


( Read more... )

Title: Reunion (2.0)
Author: Choosing Sarah
Rated: M for mature content
Word Count: 40,000
Spoilers: Through Lay Down Your Burdens Part 2 (2x20) plus Unfinished Business (3x09)
Timeframe: Occurs six months after the Season 2 finale where it AUs.
Summary: Six months after they fled New Caprica, the Fleet returns to collect survivors. While the battle goes well for the Colonials, there is more than one front in this war. As Lee and Kara make amends, they find themselves at the center of the latest conflict with a chance to redirect the future if they can only reconcile the past.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Battlestar Galactica characters or stories (etc). No infringement is intended and no profit is made, but might I be so bold as to point out that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery?

(I have serious issues with chapter 3 just to put it out there, so I'm hoping to come back and revise it later.)

( Read more... )

Here is the first segment of the revised version of Reunion from the new prologue through chapter 2:

Title: Reunion (2.0)
Author: Choosing Sarah
Rated: M for mature content
Word Count: 40,000
Spoilers: Through Lay Down Your Burdens Part 2 (2x20) plus Unfinished Business (3x09)
Timeframe: Occurs six months after the Season 2 finale where it AUs.
Summary: Six months after they fled New Caprica, the Fleet returns to collect survivors. While the battle goes well for the Colonials, there is more than one front in this war. As Lee and Kara make amends, they find themselves at the center of the latest conflict with a chance to redirect the future if they can only reconcile the past.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Battlestar Galactica characters or stories (etc). No infringement is intended and no profit is made, but might I be so bold as to point out that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery?

( Read more... )

I am finally getting back to my BSG story "Reunion!" I've been working on this fic for a very long time, and I am glad to be getting it back on track. I am revamping the story because I always hated the first 4 chapters. When I first started writing the story, I began with chapter 5 (Home). Because I felt I needed a good background for why the characters found themselves in this position, I felt the need to write chapters 1-4. The truth is, I really rushed through those chapters, and I never felt they really worked, but I allowed them to remain because I really wanted to get to the meat of the story.

In order to rectify this initial mistake, I've just completed writing a prologue for Reunion that will replace chapters 1-4. Chapters 1-4, and in fact the entire story of "Reunion" that is currently posted on fanfiction.net will be removed. However, I will upload the revamped version of "Reunion" to fanfiction.net prior to removing the old version, and I will direct anyone following "Reunion" to the revamped version from my fanfiction.net homepage. The original chapters 5 (Home) through 18 (Phantom Pains) will remain pretty well intact with only minor changes that primarily help to assimilate the prologue. As a result, the original chapter 5 (Home) will become chapter 1 (Home) with subsequent chapters following accordingly. Additionally, I will make the original chapters 1-4 of "Reunion" available on this livejournal to any misguided soul who wishes to read them.


As for my SG-1/Highlander crossover, "Immortal Like the Gods," I plan to return to that story in earnest after I complete "Reunion." I have so many things I want to do with that universe. Eventually, after "Immortal Like the Gods" itself is complete, I'd like to stem off with several more different branches, write more stories related to the basic premise of the universe with Immortal Daniel. Until then, one story at a time.

A hero is someone who keeps going, whatever happens. Heroes find a way to continue even when they stumble or when the world stumbles around them.

Title: Immortal Like the Gods
Author: Choosing Sarah
Spoilers: Through Moebius Part 2 (8x20)
Category: Crossover with Highlander and (a little) Stargate: Atlantis. Character focus is (almost) exclusively from the Stargate universe, but concepts (immortality, the Game) from Highlander show up. Daniel-centric.
Timeframe: Begins in Ancient Egypt between Moebius Parts 1 & 2 (8x19 & 8x20)
Warnings: Canon character death
Rating: T for violent images
Summary: Crossover with Highlander. Back in Ancient Egypt in Moebius Part 2, we learn that everyone but Daniel had been killed in an uprising against Ra. What if Daniel had been killed, too? Only Daniel woke up…Immortal.
Disclaimer: Not mine. No infringement is intended and no profit is made, but might I be so bold as to point out that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery?
Word Count: 14,000+
Story Status: WIP